A lesson learned. Again.

2 Mar

Sometimes people can surprise you. Both positive and negative. Today was one of those days.

Today was the funeral of one of my ex-colleague’s mother. Her mother died of cancer, my mum died of cancer 10 years ago. So we talked about it a lot and I went to the funeral, along with a few other colleagues. Beautiful service and I was doing ok until she had to say her final goodbyes and just broke. I felt so horrible for her because I knew what she was feeling right there and then. I remember all too well. Got to do the same thing 4 years later when my dad died, so yes, I know all too well.

After the funeral, I went back to work. Didn’t do much, but it was nice to be busy. I’ve been thinking about my mum a lot. A week from Saturday it will be 10 years since she died. Unbelievable that it’s been so long and yet, it feels like it was only last year. So you can imagine, that after today, I wasn’t feeling all that great.

I was supposed to go out for a drink and food with a friend/colleague after work. She knew that it was upsetting for me and that I needed to be distracted. She called in sick today because she wasn’t feeling well. Can happen. She’s a lot younger than me and she’s been going through a rough time. She’s come to see me on the strangest hours, called me, texted me, for advice and just to listen to her. And I did that. Of course I did. That’s what friends do right?

She sent me a text, she cancelled our plans (again, I understand, if you’re not feeling well, there’s not much you can do). Later she sent me a text how I was doing. Well….

Right before that, one of the guys at work was sitting next to me and he was joking. I said I wasn’t in the mood. He then saw that it was serious. I know him pretty well and he knows my history. I felt the tears come up and he took me to the kitchen for a chat and a drink of water. That was nice. He really came through for me today and he was not the one I expected that from. Hence the sometimes people suprise you in a positive way.

Sooo I texted my friend back that I’d just had a minor breakdown. Got a “oh no” text, that was it. She then texted, as I was on my way home that she’s going to call me this evening. It is now 11.30 PM. No text, no call, no nothing.

The guy however, texted me to ask if I’m ok and we had a nice chat.

Another guy, who I expected more from, also let me down. He knew that I was upset, he knew that I was dreading going home this evening and he didn’t bother. At all. God knows how many times I’ve helped him out.

So the score? Positive: 1. Negative: 2.

I will never learn. I always expect people to treat me the way I treat them. The world just doesn’t work that way, does it? Will I ever change? Nope, this is who I am. I can’t change that. I don’t want to change that. But I can’t change other people. So I’ll just have to face it, I will be disappointed in people many times more. Hopefully people will keep surprising me in the positive sense just as much, or even more.

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