Archive | August, 2013

What a wreck

31 Aug

Why is it, that things can go great for you and still at times you feel like an emotional wreck, for no reason?
As you can guess, I’m feeling like that right now. What triggered it? It’s probably because I’m just really tired.
Work has been madness. With people away on sabbatical, vacation and some being sick for months now, it basically leaves me doing the work of 4 or 5 people, 5 days a week, for 3 months now. I’ve been working with 1 other colleague, who then went on vacation when another one came back. They work less hours than me.

So it’s been madness and I’m done. I’m tired, I’m cranky and I’m low on energy. 2 more weeks until my 2 weeks off and I am counting the days.


I’ve hardly been working out last week and I’ve been struggling with my eating. Nothing too crazy, but not how I want to do it. How I should be doing it. I made a promise to myself and I’m struggling to keep that promise. But I don’t want to be too hard on myself either. I find that hard though. I look at my body and I hate it. I want to change it so bad and I’m working hard for it. That’s why I feel horrible when I sabbotage myself like this by not working out and by eating the wrong stuff.

Add to that some ‘man-issues’ and the package is complete: work, love, looks, health.

I’m was getting emotional by looking at just about anything. Something on tv, a picture. Heck, I was catching up on Glee today and that got me into tears big time.

So, where do I go from here. I’m not going to sit around feeling sorry for myself. That’s not helping. Tomorrow, new day, new chance. Working out, eating properly and looking forward to my Cyprus holiday in a few weeks time.

Time to pick myself up and kick some ass again. Time to motivate myself. I know I can do it!


Saturday ramblings

24 Aug

And another week went by, whooooosh! I’ve done pretty well, but haven’t been able to workout as much as I had planned.
But I did my fair share, so I’m not going to beat myself up about it. I have another circuit training planned for today, so I will make up for it by doing push ups, squats, dumbell rows etc. etc. I love those exercises. They make me feel strong and powerful eventho well… I’m not hehe.


I weighed in again today and lost 6 kg in total now. So that’s 5% less than my starting weight and what sounds even better: 12% of the total amount I want to lose. So I’m doing a happy dance now! Especially since I’m not depriving myself of anything. I’m never hungry, I don’t have cravings, I just make the right choices. And the loss of those kilos is not even my main goal. It’s more of a tool to measure my progress. My goal: become healthy and strong.

Work has been extremely busy and I’ve been really tired. I have 2 weeks off in September and I am so counting down the days. After my time off I will have to deal with reorganisation stress at work, so I decided to be kind to myself and I booked a 10 day holiday to Cyprus. Second time this year I’m going there. I just love Cyprus. In 4 weeks time I’ll be enjoying the sun by the pool, holding a cold drink. Can you tell I’m excited? Good thing is I will have a mini-fridge in my room there, so I can buy stuff at the supermarkt and continue to eat healthy. With a cheatmeal every now and then. I don’t want to come back and have to start all over again.


So, that’s my recap of this week. I’m feeling good. Just had my yummy scrambled eggs with a bit of salsa mixed into it, sliced tomato and avocado and a steaming cup of black coffee. Time to get ready for the day. I’m going out to buy my 2 jars and marbles to keep track of my weightloss as I wrote about in a previous blog.

Happy weekend everyone!

Is this really me?

18 Aug

Last Friday, I truly amazed myself. For a while now, healthy eating and working out regularly has become part of my life, part of my daily routine. But like I said, I surprised myself last Friday.

My work week has been hell. Understaffed, major workload, lots of pressure. By the time Friday afternoon came, I was done! All I wanted to do was go home, have my dinner and veg out on the couch. I had my 3rd workout of the week on Thursday, but it didn’t go very well. So I decided to take my gym bag to work on Friday, to go straight after work to make up for that.

And honestly, I felt like skipping it. But something stronger in me said: hang on, so you’ll sit at home all evening and feel tired. And then what? Get your ass to the gym and then go home at feel tired, but good tired.

So, I went! And I had a killer workout. I felt proud of myself. For going to the gym instead of going straight home and for chosing to feel good instead of taking the easy way out. The ‘old’ me was never able to do that. I would come up with a zillion excuses for not going.


After 2 days of well earned rest, I’m packing my bag for tomorrow. And feeling good about it! Bring on a new week!


No more sidelines

11 Aug

This morning, I was talking to my friend. We’ve been friends for 10 years now and physically she’s the opposite of me. She’s in excellent shape, does Crossfit 3x a week, does running and she’s always full of energy. A few months ago I was talking to her about my continuing struggle with my weight and health. I’d been going to the gym 3x a week and was amazed by the progress I made. When I started out on the elliptical I died after 10 minutes. Then I managed to do 5km or 45 minutes non-stop.

I was talking to her about how I envy people who just go for a run outside and run 5km. I want to be able to do that. But can I? So I started taking up running and to my surprise, I can run. And my body is ok with it, no pain in my knees or ankles what so ever. I’m not going fast, I’m not going far, but I’m going. My friend offered to train with me. So as of September 2nd, she’s going to be my running coach. Our main goal is to have fun, but also to get me where I want to be. She warned me, she will push me. And that’s what I need: someone to push me. To tell me to keep going when I want to stop.

For as long as I can remember, I haven’t been able to push myself physically. In any other aspect of my life, no problem. I’m up for a challenge. But when it comes to my health and exercise, I just haven’t been able to do it. I’ve always been scared to fail. Or that others would think: look at fatty trying to make an effort. How adorable. And funny.

So, I’ve been watching from the sidelines on so many occasions. We had a teambuilding thing with work: indoor beachvolleyball. Sorry, can’t play, I hurt my back. Just an excuse. We went on a 3 day trip to Austria with a bunch of colleagues a few years ago. Everyone went skiing, but me. I hurt my ankle a while ago and don’t want to risk it. Again, just an excuse. And that’s just a few examples that come to mind.

I’m done with not being part of things. And how do I accomplish that? By being healthy, by eating well, by working out and by building my confidence. That is more important to me than any number on a scale. That is not my main goal anymore.

I’m grateful for my friend who wants to be on this journey with me and who wants to invest her time and energy in me. I feel blessed. Our goal is to run the Color Run next year. And I am sure that I’ll be able to do it.


I’ve been hearing her go on and on about Crossfit and I’ve been doing a lot of research myself. And I decided that I want to be able to do that. To challenge myself and amaze myself. Be strong, be confident. Because I know that person is inside me and it’s time to let her out. First step, I’m going to go to the Box with her, to just watch and see with my own eyes what goes on over there. It’s right next to where I work, so no excuses there.

I don’t want to rush into it, because I have to deal with some mental obstacles of my own first. So I’ll start when it feels right for me. And I know that moment will come.

There’s a documentary series on YouTube “Killing the Fat Man”. Man is overweight and unhealthy and decides to start doing crossfit. His story is incredibly inspirational.

I’m back at the gym tomorrow morning, 7am. Every day is one more step away from the sidelines.


Feeling good!

10 Aug

Whoohoo, weighed in today and I’m down 5 kg! (In total, not in one week of course). Only 45 to go haha.

Work has been very stressful this week and normally I would turn to food for comfort. To my own surprise I haven’t had that urge once this week. Ok, when I was going to the supermarket after work, and I was hungry, the chocolate looked verrrrry good. But no problem leaving it where it was. Last Thursday I had a horrible day at work, I was tired and just wanted to go home. But I had my gymbag at work, because that morning I decided to go after work.

So, to go or not to go? I went. I literally dragged myself there. But boy, did I feel good about myself for going. Is this the so called turn-around point people talk about? I’m feeling really good about myself, I feel healthier and I enjoy making good choices over unhealthy choices. That means more to me than the number on the scale.

On to the next week!

Feeling good

From fatty to fitty. My goal: Color Run 2014

6 Aug

Well, it’s been forever since I posted. Life just got in the way, but I guess that’s a good thing. Because that means: no drama! On the other hand it also means: nothing really exciting. But life have been good to me, so I’m not complaining at all. Got great friends, I like my job and even went on a nice holiday earlier this year. Life is good.

There’s been one thing in my life that I’ve never been able to tackle though: my weight. As a child I was skinny but as I hit puberty, I gained weight. I got severely depressed at 15 and that didn’t help matters. At all! For as long as I remember I’ve been on diets, you name it, I tried it. And where did it get me? Not losing the weight and my body not responding to a healthy lifestyle as somebody else’s body would do.


Now at 38 years old, I’m done. For real. Watching Extreme Weight loss episodes, I got inspired. I tried a low carb diet before and my body responded to that. For a while. I’ve been reading up about Chris Powell and his theory on carb cycling. It sounds like something that could work for me, so I’m committed to making this a success.

Today I had my second low carb day of this week. I did very well, adding some more (good) carbs tomorrow. It takes a lot of effort to prepare everything, but I enjoy it. It gives me a great feeling to do something for my health.

I normally go to the gym 3 times a week, at 7am before work. I have a new goal now: I want to run the 5k Color Run next year.
So my friend, who’s also a running coach, volunteered to be my coach starting September. Our goal: running the Color Run together next year.
I already started a running program, after I got the medical ok to do so. It’s interval training, slowly getting you ready for a 30 minute steady run. It’s hard, 3 times a week, but I feel so accomplished after I finished a session. I also added strength training, so a full body workout it is!

color run

My ultimate goal is to lose 50kg in total (110lbs). So far, I’ve lost 4 kg (9lbs) in a few weeks, so all is going well. Also my body is changing, for the better for a change.

I saw a motivational gimmick with marbles that I’m going to do. Take 2 jars, fill one with 50 marbles or 110. As the weight comes off, a marble will move from one jar to the other. A great way to keep track of my progress and to keep me motivated.


Well, that’s it for now. I’ll be posting here about my progress regularly. My ups and my downs. My triumphs and my weak moments.

Let’s do this!